1. There actually are big-budget film franchises that I've completely forgotten about, which only does justice to John Williams and his rarely heard, truly epic theme song, which in no way whatsoever resembles the theme songs of Star Wars, Jurassic Park, or Indiana Jones. The rest of the music that wasn't gleaned off of Williams's original score is pretty crumby, but that's no surprise considering it was written by the movie's film-editor.
2. People are rather silly. If Superman doesn't die after you empty an entire belt full of 50-cal rounds into his chest, what good is your handgun going to do, even if it's at point-blank range? And furthermore, why can Superman stand there smiling smugly as the bullets bounce off, only to dodge the empty gun that baddies invariably chuck at him? Would that really hurt? Jeez.
3. Homosexual men are funny and should basically be characterized as weird, bowtie-wearing freaks to extreme comedic effect.
4. Lex Luthor isn't the bad guy. Smokers are. The message is clear: smoking is evil, and all of the world's problems are caused by it. Superman blows out Lois Lane's cigarette; Lex Luthor lights up a huge Cuban; a cab-driver's discarded butt nearly causes the destruction of Metropolis; and Lane eventually quits smoking, to prove that she's changed for the better. But don't worry, Marlboro. Bruce Wayne's probably a smoker (just listen to his voice), and he's way cooler anyhow.
5. Superman is better than Jesus because they both saved people, they both died with their arms outstretched into a cross, they both were risen from the dead, but only Superman has laser-eyes. Take that, nancy-Nazareth-man.
6. People REALLY are rather silly. I mean, all Clark Kent does is change clothes, take off his glasses, and quaff his hair a bit into a curl: that's it. People don't even suspect that he's Superman cause as far as they know, Superman is just Superman everywhere all the time, and doesn't even have an alternate identity. And why even bother with maintaining the identity at all, if it will forever limit your clothes-changing to phone boxes?
7. Sir Richard Branson is awesome. Now there's a rich man who knows how to spend his money. Screw computers, world peace, and charity: Branson knows how to get the most from his earnings. He spends billions making civilian space-flight a reality, and then gets a walk-on role on a Superman movie as a pilot on one of the shuttles that he's going to make. What a cool guy.
8. I really, really don't like Lois Lane, or Kate Bosworth for that matter. Take these lines for instance: "Chief, how many 'f's in 'catastrophe'?" If this line was serious, why has her character won a Pulitzer Prize? If it was not, why was it not funny? And this one too: "Oh, I forgot [pause] how warm you are."
9. Superman may be vulnerable only to kryptonite, but his clothes are completely indestructable. I mean, they never get dirty, ever. Even when he flies through fire, under-water, in space, through the wing of an aeroplane. Even when all his powers are gone and he can't fight back against Luthor's cronies, they don't get ruffled at all. And where does he keep them? Under his suit? What does he do with his glasses when he's wearing his Supersuit? If his Supersuit is under his normal suit, where are his SuperRedPlatformBoots? What happens to his suit? Don't people notice a bunch of men's business suits lying around out in front of the newspaper office, or does he get them back when he changes into Clark Kent again? If so, how? Does he get the aforementioned homosexual photographer to pick them up for him? If so, why?
9 1/2. I totally missed something in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. When did Lois Lane and Superman, you know...? How?
10. Metropolis is definitely New York City. There are even multiple maps in the movie that confirm this. What a letdown. I don't even want to know where Springfield or Gotham are anymore. My life seems to have lost its purpose.
Anyhow, when it could have been reinventing an entire franchise to give all demographics, from supergeeks to casual fans, everything they have ever wanted, Superman Returns chose not to be Batman Begins, and instead just recycled the same old crap with a glossy, sorta-newish-but-still-not-as-good face.
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